Almost six years to the date I've released to the world a powerful, heroic documentary on surviving and healing from domestic violence, depression, and Post Traumatic Stress starring me.
My first thought after watching the video was, 'Wow, I've come so far, so far! And I'm going to be okay!!'
My second thought was - How many other women could I help? A thousand? A few? Just one? Even if it's only one woman I could help educate, inform, save, just one woman who never has this happen to her, the memory of my abuse will have been transformed. To the other women who've been through it, I can help them heal.
After watching the video with my therapist, Frank, I took a long walk in the warmth of the sun. I got myself a yogurt, went home, listened to some music. But I didn't go to sleep that night.
So I made sure I didn't. I ordered a pizza and watched some movies. Later that night a spider had bitten me on the leg and I scratched myself so hard that I broke a lot of blood vessels. Red Flag!
The most important flag to honor is The Red Flag! Because it's your own flag.
The next day I found myself being paranoid. I thought people were watching me and I thought to myself, "Oh no."
Is it all coming back - the paranoia, the self inflicted pain, and crying all the time? The mistrust of society? The mistrust of myself.
