Almost six years to the day.

Almost six years to the date I've released to the world a powerful, heroic documentary on surviving and healing from domestic violence, depression, and Post Traumatic Stress starring me.

My first thought after watching the video was, 'Wow, I've come so far, so far!  And I'm going to be okay!!'

My second thought was - How many other women could I help?  A thousand?  A few?  Just one?  Even if it's only one woman I could help educate, inform, save, just one woman who never has this happen to her, the memory of my abuse will have been transformed.  To the other women who've been through it, I can help them heal.

After watching the video with my therapist, Frank, I took a long walk in the warmth of the sun.  I got myself a yogurt, went home, listened to some music.  But I didn't go to sleep that night.

So I made sure I didn't.  I ordered a pizza and watched some movies.  Later that night a spider had bitten me on the leg and I scratched myself so hard that I broke a lot of blood vessels.  Red Flag!

The most important flag to honor is The Red Flag!  Because it's your own flag.

The next day I found myself being paranoid.  I thought people were watching me and I thought to myself, "Oh no."

Is it all coming back - the paranoia, the self inflicted pain, and crying all the time?  The mistrust of society?  The mistrust of myself.

There’s what happened and then there’s what you tell yourself happened.

If I had a quarter for every time a man hit a woman and then said, “I’m sorry Sweetheart, it will never happen again,” I would be a millionaire.  

After it happened to me, the first thought that went through my mind, Me, I said to myself, What did I do that was so wrong, or to make him so angry that he needed inflict violence and make me feel pain?  A direct violation against another human being?  Am I a bad person?  A hundred and one questions start running through your mind, and then another hundred and one thoughts.  You think or wonder about the very beginning of the situation and say Hey!  He hit me First!  He pushed me first!  He choked me for no reason, broke my arm and gave me a black eye.  Then you say to yourself, If I wouldn’t have this or shouldn’t have that or next time I’ll do better?  Right?  Your shoulders suddenly feel the weight of emotional turmoil but it’s within yourself.  This is where the phrase ‘No Gray Area’ comes from.  And know this: there are guys who hit but real men don’t.

The Calm in The Eye of The Storm

A woman can experience an intrusion of emotional friction that comes as a response to being either hit or verbally abused, friction such as fear, low self-esteem, anger, confusion, or broken trust.  And the most difficult thing, and the most important thing, is to identify which of these emotions or feelings are occurring after a woman's space has been violate.  More importantly is the response the woman may have to anything in life in general - the abuse colors everything and she gets caught up in wondering how to stop any of these emotional behaviors.

My goal as a survivor and now an advocate against domestic violence is to help woman with this emotional friction.  I want to direct woman through the healing process and offer them resources.  I want to guide them through the legal steps necessary in overcoming their abusive situations, and that way they can move forward with a free spirit and soul erased of emotional turmoil. 

Txts from Terresa.

Understand this!  I called or named my Blog No Gray Area because there are only Two kinds of Men!  The kind that hit you and the kind that will never lay a hand on you.  There is absolutely no gray area on this Topic!  

Blog it!

Indroduction.

My name is Terri Strosser.  I am a surviving victim of a domestic violence situation.  Research statistics show that 1 out of 8 to 10 thousand women who have been battered make it to the final hearing to testify against their aggressor.  Every 22 minutes a woman is beaten or admitted to the hospital.  The effect of the trauma that is left behind is devastating and incredibly complex.  A lot of women end up with PTSD and don't even know it.  This is my story.

The odds of me winning this case were not in my favor.  You would be surprised at the lengths I went to win against a prominent, politically connected family.  When a woman goes through this, the possibilities of experiencing depression are very high.